Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
