Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize