whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
