I wish I could teleport
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Randomize
