My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize