Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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