And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
