Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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