im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
