I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it's like iHOP with fire
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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