also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
