I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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