i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
