I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
