Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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