I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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