my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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