Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
