u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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