Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
