someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
