so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
