my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
