Three words: puerto rican gang bang
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
