he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
