I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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