My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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