Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
