I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
