I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
