It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
