i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
