I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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