You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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