Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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