goodnight i made you a song goodbye
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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