mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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