Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
