You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
