we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
