I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I still have a little drunk in my system
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize