New invention idea: vibrating tampons
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
