I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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