dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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