Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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