Well apparently he's into motor boating.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
this hospital has no fireball
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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