I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
