We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
