you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
