epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
