My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
