Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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