you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
