you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
