these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My pussy is not your playground.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
