I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
