Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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