Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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