reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
