i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
false alarm. still invincible.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
