You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
