You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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