yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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