lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
