The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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