I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
