I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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