okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Randomize
