yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
