The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
