if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
