I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
