the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
