suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
