The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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