either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
