when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
