I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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