I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
