I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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